JJB Blog

look at this shit:

1. the navy trains dolphins to patrol and SHOOT POISON DARTS AT TERRORISTS. FURTHERMORE, these dolphins ESCAPED during huricane katrina. ARMED WITH THE DARTS. THIS IS REAL. link
2. gillette came out with a FIVE BLADE RAZOR. think about that. not only are they all the way up to 5, but they actually SKIPPED 4. this is actually something that the onion specifically predicted. link
3. that barbara bush quote about the people in the astrodome being “underpriviliged anyway”. i mean really, i could not be more pleased that katrina happened while barb was still alive, so that that quote could go down in history. link
4. [actually from 2004, but it's too good to leave out]this quote, from a “senior bush advisor” (speaking to a journalist):

   The aide said that guys like me were ”in what we call the reality-based community,” which he defined as people who ”believe that solutions emerge from your judicious study of discernible reality.” I nodded and murmured something about enlightenment principles and empiricism. He cut me off. ”That’’s not the way the world really works anymore,” he continued. ”We”re an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you”re studying that reality ‚Äì judiciously, as you will ‚Äì we”ll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that’’s how things will sort out. We”re history’’s actors . . . and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do.”

   link

5. update: I had this one bookmarked but forgot to include it in my initial post:
   

   A spokeswoman for the Family Research Council (FRC) says young women should have to deal with the consequences of a rapidly spreading sexually transmitted disease rather then rely on a new vaccine.

   The FRC’s Bridget Maher said her group believes over-reliance on the vaccine for the human papilloma virus (HPV) could send the wrong message to young women. “Abstinence is the best way to prevent HPV,” Maher told New Scientist. “Giving the HPV vaccine to young women could be potentially harmful because they may see it as a license to engage in premarital sex.”

what is wrong with 2005? the onion describes reality. the daily show is the only mainstream news source. politicians don’t even try to pretend that they aren’t living in an alternate, self-centered reality. and ideoologically driven groups assert that a solution to a problem should not be implemented because it makes a previous solution to the problem seem less important. YES, THAT IS THE POINT OF NEW, MORE EFFECIENT/COMPREHENSIVE SOLUTIONS. WE NO LONGER HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE DRAWBACKS OF THE OLD SOLUTIONS.

if anyone has any more “2005 is the onion becoming reality” examples, let me know.

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